Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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