my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
