I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
