Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
