I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm always down for nudity.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
