he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
