I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Who died my cat blue again?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
