you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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