just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
