A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
