I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
