i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I AM VODKA MAN
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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