who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
