You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
