i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
