Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
