If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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