I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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