I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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