It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Never joke about your clitoris.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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