Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
