Ambien. No doubt about it.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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