I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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