Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
