Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
