I queefed so loud it echoed.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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