we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
