careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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