Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
