smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
