I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Someone came in the potted fern
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
