In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
