google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
