can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
