So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
