I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
