Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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