He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
