I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
