If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Drake has all the answers
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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