Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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