I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
