I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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