Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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