Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
