i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
