trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
i think i just lost a toe
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
