Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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