Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
