Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
