But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
