Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
