Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
