My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
