so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
