We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
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